I wrote this blog post back in 2019. It’s a reminder to me about how far I’ve come and that I am still a work in progress. I hope it encourages you too.

Let me tell you about me.

If there is one thing I have been over the past few years, it’s consistently inconsistent. I could give you a million and one reasons why, but really, who cares about excuses? I’ve given it some thought and what it boils down to is I didn’t believe I was worthy of receiving all the things I said I wanted.

I mean let’s be honest, who hasn’t desired the multi-million-dollar bank account, the dream home, the freedom to pick up and go anytime you want plus the ability to build generational wealth, have unrestricted time with family, and fulfill your God-given purpose? That’s the dream, right?

At least, it’s my dream and while I posted pictures on my vision board, made affirmations and declarations, I wasn’t putting in the work to make it happen. As much as I said I wanted it, I didn’t feel worthy of that life.  

With every inkling of success, no matter how small, I pulled back. My inner perfectionist would show up and say “You’re not ready yet. It’s not quite right. Scrap this and start over,” and that’s exactly what I did. I stopped and started time and time again. I would do the work, create products, map out plans, put feelers out, but at the end of the day I wouldn’t follow through.

I would post ideas a few times, not enough to really be noticed, and then beat myself up as they weren’t supported or received the way I thought they should be. I took it as validation that it wasn’t the right time or that it just wasn’t meant to be.

Now, I know you may be thinking, how could I encourage others to embrace their worthiness and operate in their purpose if I struggled to do the same. Well, I wholeheartedly agree with you. In that area, I was living a lie.

I mean, it’s always been easier for me to encourage others and pour into their gifts than it has been to do the same for myself. I think, no I know this is the reason the dots didn’t fully connect before. I got caught up in the purpose movement and strayed away from my real mission. Now, don’t get me wrong, I can have a conversation with you and easily identify your gifts and ways you can operate in them, but that’s not my primary purpose.

You see, God called me to be a curse breaker, a healer, a guiding light for survivors of trauma, but in my eyes, that wasn’t something I could build on.

Yep, you read that right, I didn’t think the gifts God gave me were good enough to be built upon. It sounds crazy right, but that’s where I was. 

So, while I had come a long way through the healing journey, in fact, I had mastered it, the one thing I hadn’t done was fully embrace the journey of self. I was so busy focusing on the outer work, I neglected the necessary inner transformation.

A series of events over the past few years (more on that later) caused me to stop and finally face myself. I had to answer hard questions about my beliefs, my relationships, my view of myself and my purpose. Self-reflection is not easy, and I must say, after looking inward, I didn’t really like the reflection staring back at me because it revealed some hard truths about me:

1. I procrastinate a lot. – Are you like me, saying you don’t have enough time in the day while binge watching Netflix or ID? I’ve always had the capacity to hit deadlines in the nick of time, but I’ve realized that’s not a sustainable or productive strategy. 
2. I self-sabotage. – I know I said it before, but I’ve found that it’s deeper than retreating when I get close to success. Anytime something feels easy, I question it because over the years, I have grown accustomed to the struggle. Once upon a time, my daily prayer was thanking the Lord for the struggle, not realizing I was inviting MORE struggle.  I know how to behave when times are tough, but ease requires a different skillset and mindset I’m practicing daily. I’m a work in progress.  
3. I  lack discipline. – I’ve often looked at deadlines as restrictions, so when I give myself a completion date I’ve been known to push it back a time or 10. I am also a serious planner. I legit have notebooks everywhere filled with ideas. The problem is, I don’t stay focused long enough to see them through to fruition. Again, work in progress. 
4. My creativity is a blessing and a curse. – My mind is always on 1000 and I love to create. Whether it’s writing or crafting, baking or creating art, my wheels are always turning. While that sounds amazing, I find myself bouncing from idea to idea, often leaving loose ends.

It’s okay to take inventory of your flaws.

One may look at this list and think I’m being extremely hard on myself, but it’s as important to see your flaws and it is to recognize your strengths. If I never take inventory, I won’t grow into the woman I know I was created to be. Initially, I wanted to wait until I was further along in this journey of self before I put myself back out there.

I’ve struggled with what people would think because this isn’t my first pivot, but honestly, I don’t care about the judgment. This time, I’m doing it for me. I’m going back to basics, trusting God’s plan, knowing I am enough and I’m ready. I owe it to God and myself to put forth 100% effort into my calling. This is not a reintroduction, it’s a revival of purpose, passion, fire, and faith. 

My journey to success may not look like anyone else’s, heck I know my definition of success won’t be the same. I am committed to working in my time, doing what feels right and above all, following God’s voice. To those of you who have been rocking with me from the beginning, I love you deeply. Thank you for allowing me space to grow.

For those of you meeting me for the first time, welcome and allow me to properly introduce myself. My name is LaTerra Wise, The Heart Work Strategist™. As a solutions focused life coach, author, and speaker, it is my purpose and passion to teach survivors of traumatic experiences to release guilt, shame, and fear so they can break free from survival mode and thrive as Overcomers in every area of life. 

If you’re ready to go along for the ride, click here and join the Overcomer’s Circle. Also, let me know what hard truths you’re facing and how you plan to move forward. Until next time (and there will definitely be a next time) be blessed and live free.